I'm blessed with having three of my jokes included among the top 75 of all time, according to a survey by my peers that was commissioned by GQ Magazine
My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing!
I'm not a fatalist, but even if I were, what could I do about it?
Demon free since '79
Necrophiliacs are people too
Be sure to practice safe sex (the 5-second rule)
Updated every second of every day that the library is open
thank you for being a mammal
Wake up and smell the coffin
I have a love for animals that's almost illegal
signs point to YES
I'm a great lover, I bet
Thank you for not being Hitler
I used to play trombone but I let it slide
Thank you for probing my cyber-space
Signs point to "yes"
Thank you for not being Godzilla
I'm QUITE handy with the ladies
Thank you for being my friend
Please don't touch anything
Lick the screen. Go on. Lick it! You'll be popular.
Taking a porn break, are we?
If you can read this, you're too close to thanking a teacher
A man, a plan, a canal: Emo Philips!
God is watching you . . . or at least has that option
You are visitor number 542,837 . . . to ME
